Once you have found a solution, you need to incorporate it into your life. These four stages are important in any learning experience. The transformational experience that I will use for my example is very personal. I used to be in a very abusive marriage. My marriage was damaging to me as a person, and damaging to my children because it prohibited me from making anything of myself. I would always make excuses for my lack of productivity, stating that I couldnt do anything with my life because my husband wouldnt let me.
Finally, in 2011, I realized that I was wasting my life. The only thing that my daughter was ever going to learn from me, was how to let someone else run there life and impact her choices. We would never have had a normal life! When I realized what I was doing to myself and to my kids, I knew that I had a significant problem. I confronted the problem, and I was very intense about it. I tried marriage counseling, personal counseling, and biblical counseling. I tried talking with my ex, and I sought advice from many people whom I really believed could help.
After exhausting my resources, I knew that the only logical solution was to take my children out of the abusive situation and start from scratch. I chose to go first to the police for help, and then to battered womens shelter. The womens shelter helped us to move away and start over. I have now been away from him for a little over two years, and I am in my first healthy relationship. By integrating my new perception, I was able to go farther in the past year than I ever did in all of the years of my former relationship.
I am now a business owner, I am in school, and I am getting married to a wonderful man who loves me and my children. My children now get to grow up in a loving family and a healthy environment. I am now able to say with confidence that I am doing my best to be an example for them. This was most definitely a transformational learning experience for me. I think that in my experience the main stage that applied in my life, was the integration stage. It is often easier to recognize a problem, and even to find a solution, than it is to follow through on change.
Often times the follow through is not so simple. There were numerous times during that relationship where I knew the problem, and the solution was apparent, however I didnt believe in myself to integrate the solution it into my life. I believe that truly integrating a new perspective, and changing your assumptions is a very difficult stage to master. I am glad that I was able to make it through that final stage, and to become the person I am today. I still have a long way to go, but I am proud to be so far from who I once was.